Seto Kaiba and the Chamber of Secrets
by Elf
Summary: The Kaiba Brothers are in line, on opening day, to see a movie baised off of their favorite book series, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets". However, not everything goes as planned. Can Kaiba's sanity survive waiting in this Line from Hell?


Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is owned by its creator, Kazuki Takahashi and it's respective anime companies. I'm borrowing the characters and ideas for a nonprofit fan fiction written solely for the enjoyment of myself, and hopefully others.

  
  


I definitely do not own Harry Potter or that world; they belong to J.K. Rowling and the WB.

  
  


Author's Notes: To Animom, who reads Harry Potter to her little boy and is a Seto fan herself, and to Alecto, who cracked up at all the insanity of "Harry Potter and the Four Guardians", and is another Seto fan, and, finally to Nate Grey, an author who writes crossovers as well as I do. Check out his fic "Suffer the Children" and see what I mean.

  
  


Finally, if you've read my Yu-Gi-Oh! Fics before, then you notice that I have a running joke of having Seto Kaiba being a Harry Potter fan of sorts. This is going to get rather insane and hilarious, hopefully.

  
  


Warnings: Pegasus bashing, evil Yami Bakura, and severe Seto torture, but in a hilarious way.

  
  


Pairings: Seto/Serenity (I love this pairing, they just look so cute together, plus its funny trying to have Seto get along with Joey.) Joey/Mai, Tea/Yugi/Yami, Hermione/Ron, Ginny/Harry, Seto/Ginny, Mai/Tea/Serenity/Legolas

  
  


Seto Kaiba and the Chamber of Secrets

By: Elf

  
  


It was bracingly cold. Snow was falling on the ground and whirling around like a dervish. However, the young man and little boy waiting at the multiplex didn't feel the icy chill. In fact, they were too excited not to because today was the opening day of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, the second movie based on the world's greatest book series created by the goddess herself, J.K. Rowling. 

  
  


The little boy was a remarkable little boy. He was short for his age, yet keenly intelligent. He had long, raven untidy hair that was pulled back into a pony tail to look short, but still managed to stick up quite messily. He was wearing a pair of black wire framed glasses with a piece of tape wrapped around the nose piece and his eyes were a startling, bright green. And on his forehead was a most remarkable thing, a lighting bolt shaped scar.

  
  


But no, this little boy wasn't Harry Potter, but merely dressed up as the Boy Who Lived. He was truly Mokuba Kaiba, Seto Kaiba's little brother. He was dressed in the black Hogwarts robes and holding a broomstick in his left hand. He bounced up and down in the nature of hyperactive children as he idly swung his brother's hand back and forth.

  
  


Kaiba smiled fondly at his little brother. He wanted to dress up himself, but he couldn't resemble any of the Harry Potter characters except for Sirius Black. Unfortunately, Sirius Black didn't appear until the third book and Kaiba didn't want to spoil anything for impressionable young readers. Still, dressed in his flowing blue duster and black clothing, he could have passed as a random wizard in Harry Potter's world.

  
  


Kaiba didn't want to admit that he was excited, probably even more excited than Mokuba. He gently squeezed his baby brother's hand and patted the unruly mass of raven hair. He had even relented and let Mokuba get a pair of bright green contacts to truly look like Harry Potter. Now, all Mokuba needed was a tall, gangly redhead boy and a bushy haired brunette girl and he would be set. However, all he had was a tall, handsome teen with dark brown hair and keen, intense blue eyes.

  
  


"Hey, Big Brother, how much longer till the movie?" Mokuba asked, wide green eyes looking up at him. Kaiba could still see some of Mokuba's natural violet-grey eyes around the green. He thought his little brother made a perfect Harry Potter, except for the hyperness that is.

  
  


Kaiba looked at his watch and proclaimed, "Six more hours."

  
  


"Man, that's a long time," Mokuba sighed as he leaned against the Multiplex wall.

  
  


Kaiba nodded in agreement as he looked up at the Harry Potter poster proudly proclaimed on the Ticket Box. He smirked at young Daniel Radcliff holding the Gryffindor Sword flanked by the people who played Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. Hail to you, Mr. Potter, Kaiba thought, feeling very much like Professor Snape, one of his favorite characters in the novels.

  
  


He secretly hoped that Snape wouldn't die in the books. He wouldn't tell Mokuba, or anyone for that matter, but he spent most of his free internet time on Harry Potter sites talking to various Harry Potter fans. He had spent all night reading Barb's Psychic Serpent Trilogy one night and then Cassandra Claire's Draco[1] series that actually had Kaiba like Draco Malfoy, his least favorite character in the books after Lord Voldemort and Wormtail respectively.

  
  


Anyway, back to Snape. The buzz had it that Snape was actually going to die in the last book. Kaiba didn't want that to happen because he adored the character. He understood Snape on a level where most people couldn't. He knew the whole Good/Evil situation better than most and flirted wildly between the two extremes at times on his quest to keep Mokuba safe and happy.

  
  


He hugged his little brother tightly. Mokuba smiled and giggled. Mokuba said, "I can't wait to see this."

  
  


"Me either," Kaiba agreed as they sat down together on a blanket the eldest had thoughtfully brought so Mokuba wouldn't catch a cold. Mokuba cuddled to him and Kaiba held him, perfectly happy. The next Harry Potter movie and his younger brother, Seto Kaiba was in heaven.

  
  


******

"Hey Kaiba, what cha doing?" an all too familiar voice asked.

  
  


Kaiba opened his eyes as he woke up. He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep, but it hadn't been for long because it was only him and Mokuba in line. He looked up and was torn between beaming and frowning.

  
  


"I'd thought you'd be here," Serenity Wheeler said teasingly as her green eyes twinkled at him.

  
  


Kaiba smiled at her and was about to say some something very Hogwartian and witty when Joey asked, "Hey, you gonna see that wizard kid movie?"

  
  


"Yes and it's called Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Mutt," Kaiba hissed as Serenity glared at him and her older brother.

  
  


Joey Wheeler was the Draco Malfoy to his Harry Potter, Kaiba realized. Not the Sirius Black to his Severus Snape, because Joey wasn't good enough to be on Sirius's level. Joey went on, "That's weird, seeing you go to a kid's movie, Kaiba. I guess it's for Mokuba, huna?"

  
  


Then Kaiba realized that Joey wasn't even on Malfoy's level. At least Malfoy was smart. Maybe more like Wormtail or Neville Longbottom or Crabbe and Goyle for Joey. 

  
  


Kaiba felt the beginnings of a headache coming on. Mokuba stated, "Seto want's to see this movie too, right Big Brother?"

  
  


"Right," Kaiba agreed as he ruffled Mokuba's hair.

  
  


Mokuba grinned his charming, heart warming grin as he scampered up to Serenity. He asked, "Did you bring your drawing pad with you?"

  
  


"Sure did, Munchkin, and I've got a picture for you," Serenity answered with a lovely smile as she tore out a page of her sketchbook. Mokuba's eyes lit up as he took it and cried a "wow" before sitting back beside Kaiba.

  
  


Kaiba looked at the picture of Harry and Malfoy dueling in Quidditch for the Snitch. She had even used the two actors playing the rivals as the likenesses for the two boys. Kaiba smiled at her and asked, "Want to join us?"

  
  


"Sure, this movie sounds great," Joey answered as he flopped down right beside Mokuba.

  
  


Kaiba felt his blood pressure rise as he hissed, "I was talking to her, not . . ."

  
  


Serenity crossed her arms and he sighed. He felt like he was whipped at that moment. He shrugged and replied, "Sure, why the hell not."

  
  


Serenity sat beside him and whispered in his ear, "I'll be your Ginny Weasley to your Harry Potter."

  
  


Kaiba found himself grinning at that. He was a shameless Ginny/Harry shipper. If those two didn't end up together in the books, he'd probably go mad. They were perfect for each other and he hoped that the actress playing Ginny was as cute as what he imagined ever time he read the books for himself or to Mokuba.

  
  


He leaned over and whispered back, "I hear that the Potions Classroom is empty."

  
  


"Huna?" Ginny, no, correction, Serenity, asked, her green eyes, not brown, blinking in confusion.

  
  
  
  


Kaiba explained, "It's a Potter Fan Term. In fan fiction . . ." He froze as he felt Joey's eyes glaring at him and Mokuba looking up at him expectantly. He wasn't about to say that's where a lot of the Hogwarts deflowerings took place for some bazaar reason. And a lot of snogging took place in the Astronomy Tower, but he wasn't about to explain to Joey and his little, innocent brother about British slang terms.

  
  


Kaiba smiled and smoothly replied, "Never mind, it's not important. Oh, look, Harry has a sword." He pointed to the poster of Dan. He knew that would get Joey away from him.

  
  


Joey walked over and inspected the poster. He whistled and said, "That's one nice looking sword. This doesn't look half bad, Kaiba. Does he use the sword?"

  
  


"Yes, to fight the basilisk," Kaiba answered, happy to talk Harry Potter to anyone.

  
  


Joey laughed and said, "Cool." Then he gave his nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. He asked, "What's a basilisk?"

  
  


Kaiba felt his left eye twitch in annoyance. He grit his teeth to keep from screaming in anger. He managed to answer, "A giant snake that turns people to stone, Joey."

  
  


"Cool! Wow, so, is the babe beside the kid with the sword his girlfriend?" Joey asked.

  
  


Serenity giggled and Kaiba thought about finding a broom closet and introducing her into the world of snogging. He looked up at her. She looked a lot like Ginny Weasley. He reasoned with her long, fiery red hair, soft face, and sweet temperament. He suddenly thought of her in a Hogwarts uniform and her hair done in braided pig tails. He felt that suddenly it was very hot in the snow.

  
  


Then he realized what Joey had said. How dare the Puppy defile the paragon of romance that was Harry/Ginny? And didn't he know that Hermione and Ron were perfect for each other?! He was speaking sacrilege, Kaiba realized as he glared.

  
  


Kaiba managed to reign his temper enough to say, "No. They're only twelve years old. They probably think that members of the opposite sex are disgusting."

  
  


"I think Hermione's pretty," Mokuba said, tilting his head up to look at Kaiba with those green eyes and Harry Potter scar.

  
  


Kaiba's jaw dropped. Didn't Mokuba know any better? He was there when Kaiba read Goblet of Fire, his favorite of the four books, three different times. Didn't Mokuba see that Hermione and Ron, through their passionate, heated arguments were perfect for one and another? Didn't he realize that they were soul mates?

  
  


He found himself moaning, "No, sacrilege . . . Ron and Hermione belong together and Ginny and Harry belong together . . ."

  
  


"I thought Harry liked Cho," Serenity argued.

  
  


Joey asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Stuff that doesn't concern you, Puppy," Kaiba answered as he looked at Ginny, no, Serenity. She's not Ginny Weasley. Joey's not good enough to be one of the Trio. She's Serenity, so stop thinking of her as Ginny! Ahh, now I know how all of those Draco Fan Girls feel!

  
  


Serenity explained, "This other student that appears in the third book, a pretty Asian girl that plays Quidditch on another house's team."

  
  


"Huna?" Joey asked, scrunching up his face and looking very much like a puppy.

  
  


Kaiba sighed and explained, "It's the game that they play in the books. It's a sport played on broomsticks. It looked rather choppy in the first film. Luckily, ILM did the effects in this, so I'm expecting that it's going to look a lot better."

  
  


"Oh, right, I remember now," Joey said, nodded, "Harry swallowed that gold ball."

  
  


Kaiba stiffened and hissed, "It's called the Golden Snitch. Harry's the Gryffindor Seeker so he chases the Snitch. And the Seeker is the hardest position to play in Quidditch. And he didn't swallow it: he caught it in his mouth and spit it out."

  
  


"Woah, seems like I touched a nerve, Kaiba. You must really be into this, right?" Joey asked with a snicker.

  
  


Kaiba was imagining feeding Joey to a Hungarian Horntail with a smile. He managed not to smack the blond, but he answered, "I just pay attention to detail."

  
  


Then, Mokuba's honest personality was his downfall. 

  
  


Mokuba chirped, "We've read each book at least three times!"

  
  


Kaiba groaned; he was now in Hell.

  
  


******

"Big Brother, when are they going to open up the theater?" Mokuba whispered in his ear, looking a bit anxious and wiggling back and forth.

  
  


Kaiba looked down at his little brother and looked at his watch. He answered, "In two more hours, Mokuba. Be patent. I want to see the movie too."

  
  


"Man, I gotta find a john," Joey said quite loudly as he stood up and stretched. "My bladder feels like it's about to explode."

  
  


Kaiba rubbed his temples and retorted, "Thank you for that charming mental image, Joey."

  
  


"I gotta go too, Seto," Mokuba whispered in his ear as he tugged on Kaiba's duster.

  
  


Joey asked, "So, Kaiba, do you know the closest place to take a leek?"

  
  


Kaiba groaned and wished that he had some Aspirin, or a Glock 17 to put to his head, just to end this torment. Serenity blushed, groaned and covered her face. Some other Potter fans looked at them in askance from where they stood in the back of the line.

  
  


"Seto, I really gotta go!" Mokuba whined as he rocked back and forth on his haunches.

  
  


Joey said, "Come on, Mokuba's gotta take a wizz too. I'll take him and you two can save the place in line. We'll come back and you two can go do the same."

  
  


"There's a coffee shop right next door," Kaiba managed with a groan.

  
  


Mokuba asked, his unnaturally green eyes wide, "Can I get a double mocha cappuccino, Big Brother?"

  
  


Kaiba felt his eye bulge out of his head as he imagined Mokuba on a Caffeine Hyper Rampage. Did the boy know what he was asking? The headache spiked up a few more notches until it felt like his temples were going to explode.

  
  


He firmly answered, "No."

  
  


Mokuba pouted as he stood up. Joey clapped his hand on Mokuba's shoulder and said, "Come on, Kiddo, I'll teach you how to write your name."

  
  


Kill the Puppy, must kill the Puppy, Kaiba thought with an insane smile on his face as his hands itched out to strangle Joey. However, Mokuba looked up at him in disbelief and scowled. He replied, "That's gross!"

  
  


Thank goodness that he has some of my brains, Kaiba thought with a tiny sigh as the two walked away.

  
  


"Your left eyebrow is twitching," Serenity stated with a tiny smile.

  
  


Kaiba felt the muscles spasm in his face. He was still tense and didn't like the fact that Joey might corrupt his brother into idiocy. Serenity smiled at him and tilted her head so that her long, red hair fell on one side. She studied him thoughtfully and reached out.

  
  


He gave a tiny groan as her nimble fingers started massaging his temples. She was too good at this, he realized as the tension headache was soothed away by her skillful touch. She was sitting behind him and wrapped her arms around him.

  
  


"My brother's gone," she whispered huskily in his ear, causing him to smile.

  
  


He looked up at her and replied, "That's the best thing I've heard all day, Ginny."

  
  


"Ginny?" she snapped, pushing him away. Kaiba lost his balance and fell flat on his face onto the blanket. He blinked as he looked up at the redhead.

  
  


He gave a sheepish smile and corrected, "Serenity, Seren. Serenity."

  
  


"Okay," she sighed before her eyes twinkled playfully, "Harry. Even though my brother would say that you were Malfoy."

  
  


Kaiba sat back up and retorted, "I'd like to think of myself as Sirius or Snape."

  
  


"Not Snape. That hair is just too pretty to grease up," Serenity giggled as he wrapped her arms around her.

  
  


Kaiba looked at his watch and growled, "They'd better be back soon."

  
  


"I know. I haven't been kissed for three days," she pouted prettily as she toyed with his lapels.

  
  


Kaiba scowled as he looked at his watch. Joey and Mokuba were taking their sweet time about things, weren't they? It only took him an average of 33 seconds to do his business and leave. However, he wondered if the Puppy was housebroken.

  
  


******

"Well, I never thought that Harry Potter was such a cutie," a familiar female voice cooed behind Joey and Mokuba. Joey smirked as he turned around to look at the voluptuous blond. Mai stood there, toying with one wild blond curl as she winked a violet eye at him. She looked as stunning as always dressed in tight violet vinyl pants, matching jacket, and a scooped neck white blouse, giving him a good view of her impressive cleavage.

  
  


Mai bent to Mokuba's level, smirking up at Joey as more of that impressive cleavage peeked out. She toyed with the ef-ex lighting bolt shaped scar on his forehead and smiled. She said, "You sure went all out, Mokuba."

  
  


"Yeah, Seto even got tickets two months in advance! We're just early to get the best seats," Mokuba replied, blushing slightly at Mai's attention.

  
  


Mai asked, "So, who's Kaiba dressed up as?"

  
  


"The scariest person he could think of, himself," Joey quipped as Mai stood back to her full height. 

  
  


Mai looked out the window to the theater next door. Joey noticed that there were more Potter fans in line, some dressed in costume, some not, eyeing Kaiba and Serenity's place in line with the blanket with envy. He scowled as he noticed that the two were cuddling with Kaiba's back leaning into Serenity as if he was sleeping on her.

  
  


Then, Joey got a brilliant idea. He asked, "Hey, Mai, got your phone with you?"

  
  


"Joey Wheeler, what sort of girl do you take me for? Of course I have my phone with me," she groaned as she rolled her eyes and produced a violet phone with the Harpy's Lady painted on it, ready to attack with a Rose Whip. She handed to him with the warning, "You're paying for the minutes, buster."

  
  


Mokuba looked up at him skeptically and asked, "Who are you going to call, Joey?"

  
  


"Do you want Yugi to see the movie with ya?" Joey replied with a big grin, knowing that the little boy adored Yugi almost as much as he did Kaiba. Personally, Joey would drop Kaiba for Yugi in a heartbeat, but it would be worth it to see Kaiba even more embarrassed than before. Plus, it will keep his grimy paws of my baby sister, the blond thought wickedly as he dialed Yugi's number.

  
  


Mai shrugged and said, "Well, I'm here for a coffee. You want one too, kiddo?"

  
  


"Yeah!" Mokuba nodded, his dark head bobbing up and down with excitement, "Double mocha cappuccino!"

  
  


Joey smiled quite evilly as he thought of Kaiba's quick refusal to Mokuba when he asked for coffee, and the glint of fear in those normally stoic blue eyes. He said, "Yeah Mai, why don't you get him a cappuccino with another shot of espresso while you're at it."

  
  


"Well, because he makes such a cute Harry Potter, I will, just this once kid," Mai replied as she took Mokuba's hand. Mokuba was beaming like a headlight, and Joey understood the feeling all too well.

  
  


Finally, Yugi's voice came over the line, "Turtle Game Shoppe, this is Yugi Moto, how can I help you?"

  
  


"Hey, Yug, you're not going to believe who's at the line for the Harry Potter movie," Joey exclaimed with an evil giggle.

  
  


Yugi's voice grew hopeful as he replied, "You're seeing Harry Potter?"

  
  


"Wanna come?" Joey asked with a grin as he looked at Serenity stroking Kaiba's hair, like she was soothing a child, or the CEO's frayed nerves.

  
  


Yugi answered, "Yes! I love Harry Potter. I've read all the books twice. I didn't know that you were a fan too, Joey!"

  
  


"I just heard he fights a giant snake, so it sounded cool. Still, make sure that you bring Yami too, okay," Joey replied with a snicker.

  
  


Yugi chuckled, "You know I don't take the Puzzle off, Joey. Still, I'll be right there! I just gotta get some money from Grandpa."

  
  


"And don't forget to bring your deck. I've gotta go. I still gotta call Tristan and Tea," Joey replied with a smirk as he watched his baby sister in Kaiba's arms, planning to make Kaiba pay for all the Dog comments.

  
  


"See you soon, Joey," Yugi chirped.

  
  


Joey smirked and replied, "Hurry, Yug. We wanna get good seats." He hung up with a laugh that would have frightened Bakura. He saw Mai and Mokuba coming toward him, holding whipped cream-covered cups of coffee. Mokuba already had a chocolate moustache adorning his mouth.

  
  


Joey grinned at Mai, who asked, "Joey, what the hell are you doing?"

  
  


Joey wrapped an arm around Mai's shoulders and whispered, "Wanna do me a favor?"

  
  


"Not really," Mai retorted with a grin.

  
  


Joey smirked and replied, "It could involve money and you're protecting Serenity too."

  
  


"For her, yeah, not for you, Puppy," she said with a winsome smile as Mokuba happily slurped on his concoction. Kaiba was going to pay for all the Puppy jokes . . . Joey chuckled evilly as he dialed Tristan's number.

  
  


******

"Big Brother!" Mokuba shouted as he ran over to where Serenity and Kaiba were still sitting. Kaiba opened his eyes as he realized that he must have dozed off in Serenity's lap. He closed them again as he tried to go back to sleep. After all, she was so warm and comfortable.

  
  


Still, the aching pressure in his own bladder was telling him otherwise. He stood up, only to hold his hand down to Serenity and help her up. Joey was smirking behind Mokuba and if Kaiba didn't know any better, he would have sworn that he had a very Yami-esque look to his features.

  
  


Kaiba snapped, "What the hell took you so long?"

  
  


"Sorry, we ran into someone we knew," Joey said with an all too innocent smile. 

  
  


Kaiba shrugged and made a mental note to be as long as Joey was. Serenity gave him a sweet, eager little smile and he knew that she was on the same page that he was. Mokuba was bouncing back and forth on the heels of his feet. Kaiba suddenly felt a little afraid.

  
  


Mokuba started with the simple bouncing before going on full Hyper Mode. Not that he was horrible or anything, he was just a little hyperactive, not that Kaiba could attest to the same thing, which was one of the reasons he could run Kaiba Corp. at fifteen. Still, Mokuba on Caffeinated Hyper Mode was something else to behold. Unholy terror was the only way that Kaiba could describe his baby brother when he was on a caffeine high. He didn't misbehave, but he was a handful to keep under control when like that.

  
  


Still, Kaiba thought he saw a bit of whipped cream staining the Psudo-Harry Potter's lips.

  
  


He asked, "Mokuba, did you get a coffee while in there?"

  
  


Joey laughed rather falsely as he answered, "You told him not too, why would you think that?"

  
  


"Just checking," Kaiba answered as he studied Mokuba, who was standing perfectly still and looking up at him with those falsely green eyes. Still, his mind was else occupied on the thoughts of taking care of his own business and the promise of a quick snog with Serenity. She squeezed gently on his hand and smiled up at him.

  
  


"Come on, Seto," she pleaded as she leaned against him for a moment.

  
  


He smirked and said, "We'll be back."

  
  


******

"I've been waiting," Serenity growled as she grabbed Seto's hand and led him to the alley behind the movie theater and coffee shop. She knew he'd been exceptionally busy with work of late, but she hadn't seen or felt him in a few days. So, she was craving him like a junkie, or a hormonal charged teen-age girl with an exceptionally hot teenage boy.

  
  


Seto's intense blue eyes widened as she grabbed the lapels of his duster and brought him down into a kiss. She smirked to herself as his surprise quickly wore off and he began to kiss her back with his usual delicacy bordering on intensity. She ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair and leaned up into the strong frame of his body.

  
  


He carefully stroked her cheek and hair as he gently pulled her closer. He always treated her carefully as if she might break. She hadn't seen him in three days; she didn't want him to be careful.

  
  


So, her mind raced as they softly kissed on something that would really turn Seto on. She wasn't completely clueless to the Harry Potter fandom. However, she had been startled when she had stumbled onto Seto's bookmark file to find several Harry Potter fan fiction sites and shrines. It seemed that he particularly liked Ginny Weasley, who, in Serenity's mind, needed a dose of her older brothers' personality stat. Still, she didn't want to think of the Harry Potter Erotica archive she had stumbled across either. The thought of Draco Malfoy and Harry getting it on in the Dungeons was quite disturbing.

  
  


Grinning evilly, she groaned, "Oh, Harry."

  
  


Ha!

  
  


He gave a tiny, wolfish growl and practically lifted her closer to ravage her mouth. She wrapped her arms and responded, thrilling at the thought of Seto letting his much coveted control slip. Right as he spun her around to pin her against the wall and get better access, a familiar voice drawled, "Wow, Kaiba, I'm surprised to why everyone calls you a cold bastard."

  
  


Seto growled softly as he broke the kiss. Serenity glared at Mai, who simply smirked at them. Mai said, "Mokuba makes a cute Harry Potter, by the way."

  
  
  
  


"I know he does. Why do you think he dressed up?" Seto asked as he calmly moved away from Serenity.

  
  


Mai chuckled, "Well, I'm glad that I came by when I did. I think that the snow was starting to steam, you two."

  
  


Serenity blushed as she looked at her hands. Seto cleared his throat and said, "It was none of your concern."

  
  


"Calm down, Kaiba. Sheesh, kiddo, don't get you drawers in a twist, your girlfriend does that enough for you. Anyway, I'm here to see the movie too," Mai replied in a soothing tone with a sweet smile.

  
  


Seto arched one perfect eyebrow over his fierce blue eyes and drawled, "Really?"

  
  


"Yes, really," Mai replied with a wink.

  
  


******

Kaiba wanted to kill something. He had this great urge to do violence on the world. It just wasn't fair, really. All he wanted to do was spend the day with Mokuba and see that they didn't screw up the second book in movie form like they did the first. After all, Industrial Light and Magic was doing the special effects and the crew was older and more experienced. In addition, Dan was a perfect Harry, other than Mokuba of course.

  
  


And, to make it worse, Mokuba kept running up and down the line and shouting at the other Potter fans and their parents, "I'm Harry! I'm Harry Potter! The Boy who Lived!"

  
  


Kaiba's left eyebrow started twitching again.

  
  


Mai and Joey were talking about something trivial and Serenity was drawing. So, Kaiba was sitting alone with his dark thoughts of slowly strangling Joey. And watching Mokuba jump up and down while chanting the Hogwarts song.

  
  


Kaiba's left eyebrow was now in violent spasms. 

  
  


"Joey, this had better be good, I'm missing the Powerpuff Girls for this," a familiar male voice growled. 

  
  


Kaiba looked up to see Tea, Tristan, and Yugi talking to Joey. Tristan was scowling and Tea was starting to talk to both Mai and Serenity about something. Joey pointed to Kaiba, who knew this wasn't a good thing, and both boys started to laugh. Yugi's tiny shoulders drew up as he rebuked his friends and walked over to Kaiba.

  
  


"I wonder who's playing Ginny," Yugi said as he straitened what looked like to be Gryffindor robes around his tiny body.

  
  


A tiny ray of hope filtered through Kaiba's anger. Could Yugi be a Harry Potter fan as well? It would make since. Yugi seemed to be a cut above the company he kept, except for Serenity of course.

  
  


Kaiba replied, "I'm not sure. Still, the actor they've chosen to play Lucius Malfoy is perfect."

  
  


"Oh, I know! And Brannah as Lockhart was a stroke of sheer genius," Yugi gushed as he sat down beside Kaiba.

  
  


Kaiba frowned and replied, "It's a shame that the actor who played Dumbledore died during filming."

  
  


"Did you hear that Christopher Lee is rumored to take his place?" Yugi asked as he toyed with the ever present Puzzle around his neck.

  
  


Kaiba shook his head and answered, "No, I didn't. Still, isn't that a little strange?"

  
  


"Especially since Dumbledore's a good guy and Lee's scary," Yugi answered with a tiny shiver.

  
  


Kaiba nodded in agreement as Joey asked, "You're a Potter-Head too, Yugi?" Kaiba felt his previous elation at finding a kindred spirit melt away as soon as Joey opened his stupid mouth again.

  
  


Yugi stiffened and gushed, "Of course! Harry Potter is the best fantasy series ever written. My Grandpa read the first one to me when it first came to paper back and I've been hooked ever since."

  
  


"Favorite book?" Kaiba asked as he crossed his arms and studied Yugi, again surprised by the elfin youth.

  
  


Yugi smiled and answered, "Azkaban, well, actually a toss up between it and Goblet. Except I wasn't expecting Cedric to die at the end."

  
  


"That was a good twist. I liked the trials, especially with the dragons. I'm eager to see that committed to film," Kaiba replied, getting into the conversation.

  
  


Someone in the line shouted, "Hey, those kids are cutting!"

  
  


Another shouted, "No saving places in line, ass holes!"

  
  


That finally made Kaiba snap. He stood up with his blue duster swishing behind him. He gave each person yelling a direct glare before clearing his throat. 

  
  


He calmly asked, "Do you know who I am?"

  
  


"No, and why should we care, punk?" an older man wearing a beat up Star Wars T-shirt snapped at him.

  
  
  
  


Kaiba's left eyebrow was now jumping.

  
  


He growled, "Because I'm Seto fucking Kaiba, that's why! I have more money than you could ever imagine in your feeble little mind and I'm trying to take my little brother and his friends to see an adaptation of the greatest fantasy series ever created. So, if you think you can stop me, go ahead and try!"

  
  


"I'll try, Kaiba-boy," a frighteningly familiar, taunting and obscene voice said from the crowd.

  
  


Mokuba ran through the line and clamped his arms around Kaiba's waist. He lifted one grey-violet eye and one green eye up to Kaiba. Mokuba sniffled, his eyes welling with tears, obviously afraid. Kaiba heard Yugi growl as he stood up, throwing off the Gryffindor robe to reveal his usual leather garb.

  
  


"Pegasus," Yami growled as his garnet colored eyes flashed.

  
  


Pegasus was indeed there, dressed in black robes, perhaps to symbolize Voldemort. He had a black eyepatch over the eye where the Millennium Eye had been, but he was still smiling at Kaiba as if he thought the CEO would taste good. Kaiba protectively wrapped his arms around his little brother.

  
  


"Shit," he swore softly so Mokuba wouldn't hear. Besides he made sure that he covered the small boy's ears so that he wouldn't pick up the elder Kaiba's cursing habits.

  
  


Unfortunately, the lecherous man did. He smiled at Kaiba, his one good eye sparkling. He teased, "Such a mouth, Kaiba-boy. You can put it to much better use."

  
  


"Bastard," Kaiba growled as he felt his whole body tense up in unreasonable fear. He didn't have the Eye and Yami was here.

  
  


Yami stood in front of them and said, "You have no right to interrupt friends and families as they share a treasured moment together. If you wish to take this away from them, you have to go through me first."

  
  


"Kaiba-boy, why the hard feelings? I gave you back your beasts, even though I had so much fun playing with them," Pegasus taunted with a smile.

  
  


Kaiba shouted, "I'll Avada Kedavra your ass!"

  
  


"Such pretty promises, Kaiba-boy, but I've had my heart broken by you before," the older man retorted with a lecherous grin.

  
  


Yami tilted his head up proudly and taunted, "You will not win this day, or any other."

  
  


"Yami, he hasn't really challenged any of us yet. He's just making plays at Kaiba," Tea pointed out.

  
  
  
  


"And why wouldn't I be? He's such a lovely creature," Pegasus sighed lovingly.

  
  


Kaiba growled, "Avada Kedavra. Avada Kedavra."

  
  


"Hey, pal, you just keep away from my boyfriend," Serenity shouted at him.

  
  


Pegasus gasped as he looked at tiny, scowling Serenity and Joey's mouth dropped open. Mai flashed the Victory sign. Kaiba kept chanting Avada Kedavra over and over again, in the strange hope that it would work.

  
  


Pegasus sighed, "Kaiba-boy, you break my heart. You leave me for such a young thing."

  
  


"Your heart was never his, Pegasus, and with the evil that you continue to pursue your heart will never be worthy of anyone," Yami warned wisely.

  
  


Tristan asked, "Where the hell does he get this stuff?"

  
  


"I know, I wish I could say things half as cool," Tea sighed dreamily as she watched her beloved Yami in action.

  
  


Tristan's eyes widened as he snapped, "He's not making any sense, what the hell does he mean?"

  
  


"That Pegasus will never be worthy of anyone's love unless he can change his evil ways," Yami answered proudly, his leather jacket swirling around him like a cloak.

  
  


Joey taunted, "You know, they make a cute couple. Hey, Kaiba, why don't you give it a try? He needs your love."

  
  


Kaiba's left eyebrow was having spasms so intensely that it felt like it was going to fly off of his face.

  
  


He gritted his teeth and hissed, "Avada Kedavra. Avada Kedavra. Avada Kedavra. Avada Kedavra. Avada Kedavra."

  
  


Then, Joey cried, "Ow, Serenity!"

  
  


Kaiba found himself smirking for a moment as Yami continued his rant while Pegasus started winking his one good eye at Kaiba. Mokuba, who smelled strongly of coffee and chocolate, was crying and clinging onto Kaiba's waist. Kaiba was going to kill Joey, right after he killed Pegasus.

  
  


Yami continued to rave, "Forcing yourself on someone who does not want your attention is one of the vilest acts that you can commit, Pegasus. Love is an act of ultimate trust and affection, something that you are not capable of. And if you would open your eyes, then you would see that Kaiba does not feel that way about you."

  
  


"Why the hell do you think I'm trying to use the Killing Curse on him? Idiot!" Kaiba shouted at the ancient spirit and hoped that Yugi would take over again. At least Yugi made sense and didn't rant like he needed a personality. If Yami could be killed, Kaiba would have killed him too.

  
  


Pegasus smiled beatifically and purred, "Do you know what's called The Little Death, Kaiba-boy?"

  
  


Kaiba felt his stomach revolt as he threatened to purge the cup of coffee he had this morning before Mokuba woke up. He stiffened in disgust and horror as he remembered Pegasus' leers and his unwanted attentions. So, he stood to his full height and shouted, "Avada Kedavra! AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

  
  


At that moment, if he had looked behind him, he would have seen Ryou Bakura walking up to the group. His white hair was slicked back and caught in a long pony tail. He was wearing a Hogwarts uniform too, except he bore the green and silver colors of Slytherin. And he was currently eating a cherry Blow-Pop.

  
  


There was a tiny golden gleam as Yami Bakura took over as he spotted Pegasus. He caught the man's good eye and gave the red sucker one long, drawn out lick. His tongue and mouth were stained an unnatural, blood red as he slowly licked his own saliva off. Pegasus stiffened in horror as he remembered what Bakura had done to him. Bakura smirked wolfishly as he then engulfed the whole sucker.

  
  


"Avada Kedavra! AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

  
  


Pegasus' one good eye rolled back into his head as he gave a tiny moan and collapsed to the ground. Kaiba's eyes widened as did Mokuba's. Kaiba thought, Holy shit, I've got magical powers. 

  
  


Yami's crimson eyes met his as he asked, "What the hell did you do, Kaiba?"

  
  


"In your face, Yami!" Kaiba shouted as he reached for his silver briefcase, knowing now, if he truly did have magical powers, he could beat Yami in a Duel. He chuckled as he dug out his deck and his Portable Hologram Projectors. He sneered, "Duel me, Yami, if you're not afraid."

  
  


Then he heard a familiar British accent say, "Oh, dear, what happened here?"

  
  


Kaiba turned around, finally noticing the white-haired boy and the cherry sucker he was eating. Vampire Draco . . . 

  
  


Kaiba smirked as he answered, "I used the Killing Curse on him."

  
  


"No, you didn't," Yami sighed as his eyes turned purple and Yugi blinked up at him.

  
  


Mokuba stopped crying and launched himself at Pegasus' prone form with a fury of kicks. The tiny boy shouted, "You mean man! You hurt my brother! You hurt me! You hurt Yugi! Well, you're gonna PAY!"

  
  


"Dear Lord, Kaiba, your brother has a lot of issues doesn't he?" Bakura asked as he watched Mokuba.

  
  


Joey quipped, "I would too if I had him for an older brother." Serenity stepped on his toe with a smile.

  
  


Yugi smiled as he put his Gryffindor robes back on. He asked, "You're a Potter fan too, Ryou?"

  
  


"Of course. I have this whole British front that I have to keep up with you know. If I do not like Harry Potter I would not fall under all the stereotypes that have been set up for my falsely British nationality when I am truly Japanese and I've been taken by bad dubbers," Ryou answered proudly.

  
  


Kaiba asked, "Vampire Draco?"

  
  


"Heavens no, Kaiba. I just wanted a sucker and I'm partial to cherry, that's all. However, I look more like Draco Malfoy than any of the other characters, unless I wanted to be a mini-Dumbledore," Ryou chuckled as he savagely bit into the sucker.

  
  


Pegasus, who was still being kicked by Mokuba, had woken up only to scream when he saw Ryou do that and pass out once again. Mokuba finally tired out and moved over to his brother. He chirped, "I got my revenge on Voldemort!"

  
  


Yugi exclaimed, "Well, this is great! I'm going to see the Harry Potter movie with all of my friends. And you two have read the greatest fantasy series ever created!"

  
  


"Actually the Lord of the Rings Trilogy was the greatest fantasy series ever written," Tristan replied as he shook his head at the three boys dressed up in Harry Potter Cosplay. Kaiba glared as he wrapped an arm around Mokuba.

  
  


Then, as a warning, a blond, a redhead, and a brunette looked up at the mention of Lord of the Rings. Tea squealed, "When does the next movie come out?"

  
  


"Oh, Lord of the Rings, oh, the men are just so wonderful," Mai sighed dreamily.

  
  


Serenity sighed, "Legolas is one sexy bitch."

  
  


"Oh, I know! Those eyes!" Tea squealed.

  
  


Mai sighed, "That hair."

  
  


"That ass!" Serenity growled possessively as all three girls sighed dreamily.

  
  


Mai chuckled, "I'd shoot one of his arrows any day."

  
  


"He can cut me with those knives," Serenity added with a hungry grin.

  
  
  
  


Tea giggled senselessly.

  
  


Joey and Tristan looked at each other and shouted, "Elf babes!"

  
  


"Bloody hell," Ryou gasped in fear.

  
  


Kaiba's eyebrow was twitching again.

  
  


The three girls kept gushing about what a hot bitch Legolas was. Then they'd look at the guys, shake their heads and go back at it. Mai sighed, "Too bad that real men aren't like that."

  
  


"The hair and eyes are fake! Orlando Bloom has dark hair and eyes. It's just a wig and contacts," Kaiba shouted, having enough of hearing about Legolas Sex Fantasies from his girlfriend. Still, he made a point to get a pair of pointed ears as he remembered her gasping Harry earlier in the alley.

  
  


Tea broke out in tears, Serenity sniffled, and Mai shouted, "You bastard! How dare you ruin our fantasies!"

  
  


Serenity added, "And he's got a thing for Ginny Weasley!"

  
  


"Well, I do have to admit that little Ginny is quite attractive," Ryou said, backing him up.

  
  


Yugi gave him the wide-eyed innocent look and proclaimed, "I'm not the only one!"

  
  


Kaiba's eyebrow was about to fly off of his face.

  
  


Then, Mokuba shouted, "Hey, look, they're opening up the theater!"

  
  


Kaiba grabbed both Mokuba and Yugi's hand and rushed into the theater. He wasn't about to admit to Serenity that he had a small crush on a book character. Not unless she forced it out of him.

  
  


******

Kaiba was sitting between Mokuba and Serenity. Yugi was at Mokuba's other side while Joey was at Serenity's other side. The smell of hot, buttered popcorn reached his nostrils as well as the sweet smell of Coke and chocolate. Mokuba still smelled like coffee and chocolate.

  
  


Kaiba glared at Joey and snapped, "I thought I said that my little brother couldn't have any coffee."

  
  


"Well, nothing bad happened," Joey replied with a wicked smile.

  
  


Mokuba had been chattering to Yugi non stop for the past hour. Yugi's wide, purple eyes were getting a little frantic as he kept casting Kaiba helpless, pleading gazes. Kaiba knew fully well what his brother could be like under the right circumstances. 

  
  


Mai winked and said, "It's just a mocha cappuccino, Kaiba. It's not going to kill him."

  
  


"The kid can't sit still, Mai. You don't give hyperactive kids caffeine," Tristan chided as he took a sip of Coke through his straw.

  
  


Ryou said, "I still can't believe that Pegasus showed up."

  
  


"I can't believe that he fainted," Tea added as she reached for a handful of Yugi's popcorn.

  
  


Kaiba smirked and replied, "I guess you don't have to have a Millennium Item to have magical powers."

  
  


"He fainted when Bakura came around," Tristan pointed out, proving that he had some brains in the group. Kaiba studied him thoughtfully. He really hadn't payed that much attention to the sharp haired boy before, even though he was responsible for saving Mokuba when they were locked away in the Duelist Kingdom.

  
  


Ryou sighed, "I have no idea why he would faint at the sight of me."

  
  


"Maybe Draco Malfoy's scarier than Voldemort," Yugi mused as Tea reached for another handful.

  
  


Tea sighed, "Or maybe Yami was just too much for him."

  
  


Kaiba snorted and Yugi looked sadly at his Puzzle. Mokuba asked, "How much longer?"

  
  


"Ten minutes," Kaiba answered as he looked at his watch, adding a silent Thank God to that.

  
  


Mai asked, "Did you hear about that vibrating broomstick?"

  
  


"What vibrating broomstick?" Ryou asked as he unwrapped another cherry Blow-Pop. Kaiba realized that the sucker was blood red and stained Ryou's mouth as if he was drinking blood. They knew that Pegasus' eye had been stolen, and Kaiba reasoned that the Eye had to be ripped from Pegasus' flesh to do so. And it would have been covered in blood, looking almost like a cherry Blow-Pop.

  
  


Joey smirked at Mai and quipped, "Hey, Mai, wanna take a ride on my vibrating broomstick?"

  
  


Serenity groaned, "My brother's a pervert."

  
  


"That's gross Joey," Tea chided as she reached over and hit the blond. Kaiba suddenly forgave her for being so annoying.

  
  


Tristan chuckled, "Wait a-go, doofus." 

  
  


Ryou groaned and Yugi and Mokuba exchanged puzzled looks. Mokuba asked, "Why would Mai wanna ride a vibrating broomstick? She'd fall off."

  
  


Yugi scratched his blond, black, and redhead and said, "I don't think I really get it."

  
  


"Be thankful that you don't," Kaiba groaned as he glared at Joey.

  
  


Serenity hid her face behind her hand and asked, "Seto, do you wanna kill my brother for me?"

  
  


Kaiba smirked evilly and replied, "You don't have to ask, Seren." He cracked his knuckles and met Joey's eyes.

  
  


Joey glared and snapped, "Bring it on, Kaiba."

  
  


"Seems like the Puppy needs to be smacked with a newspaper," Kaiba retorted with a grin.

  
  


Yugi waved his tiny arms between them and said, "Calm down, the movie's about to start."

  
  


Joey leaned back beside Mai and Serenity and asked, "So, Mai, what about it?"

  
  


"You're way out of your league, Puppy," Mai replied with a sultry glance as she tossed her long hair.

  
  


The lights dimmed and Kaiba settled comfortably in his seat. The previews really weren't that important, but as soon as the credits began to roll, Mokuba leaned up, wide-eyed. Kaiba smiled at his brother's innocent fascination as Serenity took his hand, lightly holding it.

  
  


Then, Harry appeared on the screen, brooding and surrounded by his horrible family. Joey grumbled, "Man, I hate to have a family like that."

  
  


As they watched, the screen started to jump before turning into static. The packed theater groaned, Ryou jumped up. Kaiba noticed that he looked different, that his eyes were black and soulless almost. Bakura shouted, "Bloody hell! I knew you mortals couldn't even work a simple projector!"

  
  


The screen went blank and the movie goers groaned again. There was a cried, "What the fuck?" 

  
  


Kaiba's left eyebrow began to twitch for the hundredth time that day.

  
  


Bakura shouted, "You foolish mortals! If you do not fix this projector then you will have to face my wrath and the power of the Millennium Puzzle!"

  
  


"Bakura, I have the Puzzle, you have the Ring," Yami corrected as he too scowled at the projection window.

  
  


Bakura shouted, "You will face my wrath, mortals!" 

  
  


"Seto . . . Fix it!" Mokuba pleaded with his mismatched eyes wide.

  
  


Kaiba stood up to his full height and walked out into the isle. He had enough this day with Joey and Pegasus. Then, to have this happen was unforgivable.

  
  


Seto Kaiba was not a patent person to begin with. He liked things to be in tight motion. He liked to control and conquer. He wanted things to run efficiently smoothly, and quickly. If they didn't, then there would be hell to pay.

  
  


There was a fire gleaming in his blue eyes and the crowded theater fell silent at the commanding presence. Kaiba tilted his head arrogantly and swirled his duster around him. He heard Serenity sigh from her seat, but he couldn't smile or be distracted at that.

  
  


He shouted, "I am Seto Kaiba. Now, I expect that this movie will run in the next two minutes or I will personally see that this chain of multiplexes will be closed down. And if you do not believe me, well, if you have enough money, then you can do anything. Now, two minutes or I will close down this chain of theaters eternally."

  
  


There was a tiny scream in the projection room before the soundtrack started again. The crowed roared in applause and Kaiba allowed himself a smile. One child shouted, "Go Blue Eyes White Dragon!" Kaiba tilted his head to that little boy before he sat down beside the two people he cared about most.

  
  


"You're defiantly not Harry," Serenity chuckled in his ear.

  
  


Yugi leaned over and whispered, "Go, Snape, go."

  
  


"He's not Snape, he's Sirius," Mokuba replied, his voice slightly above a whisper.

  
  


Kaiba allowed himself a full smile as he stroked Mokuba's thick hair. He decided that today was worth it after all. Then he turned to watch the movie, and frown at Dobby.

  
  


Stupid Dobby.

  
  


The End!

  
  


[1] Barb's Physic Serpent Trilogy as well as Cassandra Claire's Draco series ("Draco Sinister") are two of the best Harry Potter fan fiction authors out there. Their stories are housed at a very excellent Harry Potter Archive at http://www.fictionalley.com under the Snoggle house label. I'm not a Draco Malfoy fan, but Cassandra Claire is such a talented writer that it doesn't matter. She's a master of all the characters and a Buffy fan to boot.

  
  


Maya is another excellent fiction writer as well. I highly suggest, "Draco Malfoy: Amazing Bouncing . . . Rat?" I swear that you will laugh your ass off.

  
  


Now, some Harry Potter/Yu-Gi-Oh! Character Comparisons for your enjoyment.

  
  
  
  


Yugi: This one's fairly obvious, but he'd be Harry Potter. Both boys are heroic to a fault and have pure hearts. However, Harry's more physical in dealing with his enemies while Yugi is more mental. Yugi tends to think before rushing in.

  
  


Joey: Another fairly obvious one: Ron Weasley. Joey is Yugi's moral support/side kick. And he's got a hell of a temper too, just like Ron.

  
  


Tea: She's a little harder to figure out, but I'd go with Hermione to fill out the roll of the Trio. She's definitely not as clever as Hermione and Hermione wouldn't go ga-ga over her best friend's Darkness.

  
  


Yami (all of them, even Yami): Draco Malfoy. Malfoy is the foil to Harry Potter, his rival and they're constantly fighting, but not on the level of Voldemort. Malfoy is also Harry's bi-polar opposite, and the Yami's are the opposites of their Hikaris. Plus, Draco Malfoy will do anything to win . . .

  
  


Kaiba: This may come to a surprise to you, but Snape. He becomes frustrated at the inability of others, yet holds respect for those who deserve it. The reason why he wouldn't be Malfoy is that he actually respects Yugi and Yami and doesn't insult them like he does everyone else. Sirius Black could also work for his protective nature over Mokuba, the one thing he has in this world, just like Harry is the one thing that Sirius has in this world. And Kaiba has a tendency to be reckless when it comes to Mokuba, just like Sirius does when Harry is involved. Both are surrogate fathers and have dark sides that they must fight, but yet they're not afraid to play dirty.

  
  


Pegasus: Wormtail or Lockhart. Pegasus is evil and charming, just like Lockhart, but he lacks the pure evil that Voldemort has.

  
  


Yami Bakura: Now, he'd be a Voldemort. He's seeking ultimate power through the Millennium Items, just like Voldemort wants to rule the wizards. And they both have ego problems.

  
  


Mokuba: Now, he's a bit closer to Harry than Yugi is. He's just as impulsive as Harry is and runs into trouble head first. It follows him around. He's also just as protective of his surrogate family as Harry is. However, he lacks the support group that Harry has and is often alone.

  
  


Tristan: Neville Longbottom, except Tristan's a hell of a lot more useful and braver. He's sort of the tag-a-long, not really part of the group, but he's there anyway.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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